her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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