but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Dating After Heartbreak
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?