i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
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bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
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The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision