My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.