you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?