Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
