just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
