so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I think i got beer on your cat.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
