Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
