I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
