Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
