We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
