Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
