ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
