Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
