member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
