Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
you will always have a special place in my vag
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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