the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
