i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
