I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
