Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
