I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
