Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
