i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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