why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
