My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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