Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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