the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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