doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
