I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
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So many bounce houses so little time
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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