A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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