how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
