I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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