She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Pooping to opera.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
