Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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