i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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