I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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