My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
