Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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