I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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