i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I am one with the molecules
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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