dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I look better un-naked...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
