i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
