I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
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just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
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YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.