Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants