dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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