I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
