His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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