My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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