She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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