...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
