I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
