i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
