walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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