I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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