When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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