New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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