dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
