i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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