i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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