we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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