Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
