I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
