Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
