I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
