i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Quick, to the slutcave!
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
