why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
