I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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