and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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