Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
