we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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